Tribute to Mrs. Miriam Schechter

1. Silver

Mrs. Miriam Schechter grew up in Lakewood way before it was a popular place to be. Her father, Rav Dov Beigeleisen, was a tremendous supporter of the Kollel movement, convincing many others to join even back when few were interested. Although she was orphaned at a young age, this influence helped shape the love and passion she had for torah. Mrs. Schechter channeled her warmth and giving nature into her family, her students and everyone who came in contact with her. She was a preschool teacher for close to 50 years first in Bais Yaakov D’rav Meir in Brooklyn and then in Positive Beginnings after her move to Lakewood. Her sudden passing has shocked the community, leaving a gaping hole for anyone who knew her.

For the Family

She was completely devoted to her family. As one grandchild recalls, not only could you schmooze with her for hours, but she always remembered what you said, bringing it up the next time you spoke, making you feel that she really listened and cared.

At the start of the zman, Mrs. Schechter called her grandson and asked him what he would be collecting for that zman. “I’m making a cheshbon of maaser and I want to know how to allocate it.” But it wasn’t just about the money. It was the feeling the grandchild would have-that I’m starting a new zman and Bobby is thinking about me.

Every birthday a grandchild would receive a card with the amount of money of however old the child was turning. Even after entering the hospital, some grandchildren received cards that had been sent out beforehand.

She prepared for yamim tovim months in advance with incredible food and décor. She taught her talmidos the greatness of yom tov, so that they all came home looking forward to it. The children used to joke that she prepared for chanuka on motzei chanuka. Even now, there is a closet in the house filled with gifts for next year’s chanuka.

She took great pride and joy in beautifying her shabbos table. She would buy special things all the time lekovod shabbos; a little mirror under the glasses, gorgeous chargers under the plates, decorative napkins to enhance the look… One time a son-in-law broke a glass. Instead of getting upset she turned to him and said, “Don’t worry! I wanted to buy a new set anyway. This is just giving me the excuse to get one!”

She was the queen of gifts, a child recalls. A niece was once staying by Mrs. Schechter’s house and commented that she liked her broom. A few months later, this niece found a box at her door with the very broom she had complimented. During shiva, a friend related that she once had to be in the hospital for several weeks with a special needs child and Mrs. Schechter took care of something that no one else had thought of. She sent her a huge box of games to keep them occupied all through the stay. Years later, they were still playing with those games.

Morah Miriam

She treated each student as a unique individual and made it her mission to figure out how to reach and teach each soul according to their needs, whether they were a difficult personality, overly introverted, or just a middle-of-the-road child who she wanted to make sure didn’t get overlooked. She never expected her children, grandchildren or students to fit into a mold. Instead she adapted her approach to each child according to their personal needs.

A daughter in law shares a story of when she moved from out of town and applied her daughter to Bnos Esther Malka, a school that her mother-in-law recommended:

We waited for a response, waited, and waited. I honestly believe one of the reasons we had to wait as long as we did was so that we could uncover my mother-in-laws greatness.

My mother in law was a very tznius person who didn’t like to be the one making the noise. But one morning, she showed up at Positive Beginings, her daycare that is also hosted in the Bnos Esther Malka building and under the auspices of Rabbi Gelman, she noticed Rabbi Gelman outside the building and decided this was her shot. She went over and began to advocate on my daughter’s behalf. As she was about to finish her plea, she ended with the following story.

“When I was teaching PRE-1A for Rabbi Levy in Bais Yaakov D’Rav Meir back in the day, we had years where the school was jam packed. One year Rabbi Levy approached me and said, “ Mrs Schechter, I’m sorry to put you in this situation but it will be your call. I know that your classes are already over the max, not just by 1 or 2 girls, however; there is another girl who needs a school, my question to you is can we take her.” Without any hesitation she replied,” if a girl needs a school, how can I say no?”

In that second she wasn’t thinking about the logistics, technicalities or whatever else would have to be dealt with in order to accept another child. All she thought about was the little girl who needed a school.

My daughter was accepted to the school that day.

Hidden greatness

She was always working on herself. A son-in-law remembers once giving her a ride to Lakewood. She schmoozed for ten minutes and then she apologized saying that she had her shiurim she needed to listen to. She felt terrible for not giving him the attention but she had her chiyuvim.

While expecting the birth of her first child, she slipped and fell and was sent to the hospital. The doctors didn’t think the baby would survive and put Mrs. Schechter on bedrest. Her husband, Rav Aryeh Schechter, took a kvittel to the Ribnitzer Rebbe, but there was a mistake in it so the Rebbe asked him to come back another time.

A few nights later, Mrs. Schechter had a strange dream. She saw an elderly man who looked like a Tzadik who told her three times in Yiddish, “altz vet Zein gut, altz vet Zein gut, altz vet Zein gut” (it will be good!)

A few days later, Rabbi and Mrs. Schecter got in to see the rebbe and as soon as she saw him she gasped. It was the man from the dream. The Ribnitzer rebbe nodded at Mrs. Schecter and said: Eich hub shoin gezuget! Altz vet Zein gut, altz vet Zein gut, altz vet Zein gut” (I already told you it would be good!)

A few months later, she gave birth to her first child, a healthy baby girl.

It’s a story that boggles the mind, a story that seems to be from another generation, but Mrs. Schechter kept her greatness carefully hidden, under the guise of normalcy.

It wasn’t about her

Close to ten years ago, the Schechter family gathered together to make their mother a birthday party. It was a beautiful affair, full of warmth and nachas. After the party was over, a daughter asked her what the most meaningful part of the party was. At first Mrs. Schechter declined to state a specific moment, saying that every part was incredible but after being pressed she admitted that the nicest part was the siyum liluei nishmas her parents.

The party had been in her honor but in classic fashion, she didn’t see it about her. It was always about someone else.

She was the consummate hostess, always remembering everyone’s likes and dislikes. The counter on Shabbos morning would have twenty plates on it, each one slightly different, catering to every member of the family.

Her husband, Rav Aryeh Schechter used to bring home all sorts of guests from shul. Not all of them possessed social skills that were up to par, but Mrs. Schechter hosted them with the same grace and attention to detail as she did her family. Some of them even moved in, staying for weeks on end.

Her daughter related that one of the things they grew up knowing was that their mother had O negative blood type- also known as a“universal donor”. And that epitomized who she was, always giving and happy to do so.

Like she would have wanted

Three weeks ago, while taking care of a child in the daycare, she went into cardiac arrest. For three weeks, she gave her family the greatest gift- the gift of coming together and giving back. She always lamented that she never had the chance to honor her own parents properly, and now she gave that back to her family. Lot of tefilos from children and einiklach. We feel that what kept hr alive was tefilos

She was niftar on Shabbos morning, ches Adar, leading to a question of when to hold the levaya. Her husband wanted it right then- a levaya should not be pushed off, but other families wanted to push it off to the next day, feeling that it was too late at night and too many people would want to come who wouldn’t be able to. They discussed it for a while when suddenly someone pointed out: What would Mommy want?

At that point, the discussion was effectively over. Everyone knew exactly what Mommy would want- whatever Tatty wanted. The levaya was held that night and, despite being over at three in the morning, there was a packed house.

One of the children remarked wryly that if Mommy had been by her own levaya, she would have stood at the door greeting everyone with a “wow, you came in all the way from lakewood!” making everyone feel special and appreciated. That was the way she lived. Always thinking about the other person and how she could make them happiest.

If anyone has any good memories or stories about Mrs. Miriam Schechter, please email them to [email protected].