R. Silver

Chanukah is family bonding time. It’s cozy, loud parties as the grandparents beam with nachas. It’s excited, chocolate-smeared children running around with their cousins as their mothers schmooze over salad.

But the joyous hectic atmosphere can become a double-edged sword as insecurities, frustrations, and jealousies occur. The party can be a time of bonding and warmth or quiet comparisons and silent judgements. It all depends on how you look at it.

One scene.

Eight different perspectives.

Which one are you?

 

The scene:

Rochi: Yossi, another donut? You already had three! Okay, fine, you can have it, but it’s your last one until the end of Chanukah, you hear me?

The observers:

1: Mechaneches, parenting coach, oldest sister-in-law: “I know an amazing parenting teacher. She’s a good friend of mine. And she has a Chanukah discount—$300 off one $2,000 course if you sign up for all five course. It will change your life!”

2: Resigned, tried-too-hard sister-in-law: I’m glad someone’s enjoying the donuts that I went to five different stores for and spent a fortune on. Everyone else is nibbling on salad.

3: Kids-only-eat-carrot-sticks mom: Don’t people know that training in healthy eating starts when you start on solids? I can’t even think about what all those trans fats are doing to that kid’s system.

4: Indulgent bubby: “Sheifele, do you want to try the frosted Chanukah cookies? Or some ice cream? Such a good appetite, kein ayin hara!”

5: Struggling-to-keep-it-together mom: I’d love to know how her son’s outfit stays spotless even though he’s on his fourth donut.

6: Resentful teen: “It’s so not fair. When we were kids, we only got one donut each Chanukah, and Yossi had at least five today.”

7: Passive-aggressive sister-in-law: “Wow, Rochi, you’re so chilled! I wish I could be like you!”

8: Sympathetic older sister: Chanukah can be such a hard time for young mothers. It’s so hard when the kids are off schedule like that.

 

The scene:

Akiva: I guarantee it, this is the next big thing. I spoke to my friend, Horowitz, you know the one who made millions on Amazon with his cufflinks? And he agreed. He told me I have a knack for picking the right investments. (Adjusts his cufflinks modestly)

The Observers:

1: Admiring, wanna-be brother-in-law: How does he make such great deals? He’s a wizard on the stock market.

2: Knows-the-real-story older brother: Now he goes on and on about his great deal, and in two weeks he’ll come crying to me that he can’t pay the bills.

3: Mental accountant observer: So that explains how he purchased that car on his income. Last I checked, an IT salary can’t cover those types of bills.

4: Mr. Live and let live: That type of lifestyle doesn’t work for me, but I’m happy it works for him.

5: Has-had-enough husband: I’m in. Chani has been driving me crazy that we need more money—this is the answer.

6: Over-analyzer-of-politics worrywart: “Didn’t you hear that Ben Shapiro podcast? He warned that since Trump is becoming president and Assad was kicked out of Syria and since Russia and Ukraine are continuing to fight, that type of investment is sure to flop.”

7: Cynical older brother: When he was 16, he was convinced that green-handled suspenders were going to come back in, he purchased a massive stock of half-inch wide ties in 2015 that he never sold, and he also tried arranging tours to Kansas. I’ll believe the success of this investment when I see it.

8: Makes-a-not-funny-joke-out-of-everything younger brother: “Akiva, you’ll be the gvir of the family! Now we know who to come to when we can’t pay tuition!”

 

The scene:

Hungarian bubby: I have more food in the kitchen, don’t worry! And I can fry more donuts! What’s with the latkes? Why is no one eating them? I still have more!

The Observers:

1: Oldest, responsible daughter: Oy, Mommy works way too hard. The doctor told her she needs to slow down, but of course she’ll never relax and sit down.

2: Frustrated sister who lives next door: I told Mommy there would be enough food, but she kept calling to ask me to go to the store for her or send Etty over to help her because she had to make more. Now all this food is going to go in the garbage.

3: Sophisticated teenage granddaughter: If we would have an acai bar and that Zeppelin board I saw advertised, people might eat more. Latkes and donuts are so last century.

4: Perpetually dieting sister: The salad I made is totally gone. Mommy’s donuts are beyond, and I’m totally gonna eat three of them. I wish she would have skipped them.

5: Knows-too-much cleaning lady: Oh good, looks like she’ll have plenty of extras for me to take home, as usual. The freezer in this house is overstuffed.

6: Wish-I-could-be-like-my-mother daughter: “Ma, I don’t know how you do it. You made tons of food, and you just stay so calm when this house is flying.”

7: Every single grandchild under ten: People think their grandmother makes the best donuts, but my grandmother actually does.

8: Polish Zaidy: I always knew it was worth it to marry a Hungarian!