Articles
Mastering the Clock
January 30, 2025
Carving Out Quality Time with Our Children:
Raising a large family is a tremendous blessing, but it can also come with the challenge of ensuring that each child feels seen, valued, and loved. With busy schedules, work commitments, and the daily demands of running a household, carving out one-on-one quality time with our children can feel daunting. Yet, the effort to build and maintain strong relationships with each child is invaluable, not only for the child’s emotional well-being but also for the overall atmosphere in the home.
Here are some practical strategies to make meaningful time with your children a regular and achievable part of your day.
- Small amounts of focus time add up
One of the most effective ways to give each child attention is to commit to brief, consistent one-on-one interactions. A helpful guideline is to spend one minute per year of their age in focused, uninterrupted time.
Examples:
- A two-year-old: two minutes of reading, playing a simple game, or talking to them at eye level
- A five-year-old: five minutes of drawing together, playing catch, or building with blocks
- A 15-year-old: 15 minutes of meaningful conversation, running errands together, cooking or baking together, or sharing a hobby
While this may seem small, focused time, where the child feels they’re the center of your attention, has a profound impact.
- Incorporate time into everyday activities
You don’t always need to set aside special outings or events to create meaningful moments. Many opportunities exist in the normal rhythm of your day.
Ideas for everyday quality time:
- Running errands: Take one child along when grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, or running other errands. Use the time in the car to talk about their day, share stories, or simply listen to what’s on their mind.
- Household tasks: Cook, bake, or do chores together. Even folding laundry can become quality time if done with a positive attitude and good conversation.
- Walks around the block: A short walk with just one child is a wonderful opportunity to connect. It’s quiet, free of distractions, and gives them a chance to open up.
By integrating one-on-one time into activities you’re already doing, you strengthen your connection without needing to carve out additional hours.
- Use Shabbos as a time to connect
Shabbos, with its built-in break from technology and weekday distractions, is an ideal time to focus on quality family time.
Ideas for Shabbos:
- Walking to shul together: Use the walk to have a relaxed conversation with your son or daughter. It’s a quiet time to talk about their week or anything else that’s on their mind.
- Friday night conversations: After the meal, spend a few minutes with each child. Mothers can use the time after lighting candles to sit with their daughters and talk about their week or upcoming plans.
- Games and activities: Play board games, tell stories, or read together on Shabbos afternoon. These relaxed moments create lifelong memories.
Shabbos provides a unique opportunity to nurture relationships without the distractions of phones, work, or school.
- Schedule regular one-on-one time
Life gets busy, and without planning, it’s easy to let quality time slip through the cracks. Creating a regular schedule for one-on-one time ensures that it becomes a priority.
Tips for scheduling:
- Set a weekly “date” with each child: This could be something as simple as a trip to the park, a quick ice cream run, or a game of catch in the backyard.
- Rotate through the kids: If you have a large family, schedule time with a different child each day or week.
- Make it non-negotiable: Treat this time as an important commitment; don’t cancel it unless absolutely necessary.
When your children know they have dedicated time with you, it reinforces how much you value and prioritize them, even amid a busy schedule.
- Be present and focused
Quality time isn’t just about being physically present—it’s about being mentally and emotionally engaged. During one-on-one time, put away your phone, turn off distractions, and give your full attention to your child.
What this looks like:
- Look them in the eyes and listen without interrupting.
- Ask open-ended questions to show interest in their thoughts and feelings.
- Validate their experiences, whether they’re sharing something exciting or challenging.
By being fully present, you create a safe and nurturing space where your child feels heard and valued.
- Foster connection in the small moments
Sometimes, the most meaningful connections happen in unplanned moments. A quick hug, a kind word, or a shared laugh can go a long way in building a close relationship.
Examples of small opportunities:
- Saying a heartfelt goodnight and a few words about what you appreciate about them
- Sitting with them at breakfast and chatting about their plans for the day
- Sharing a joke or funny story during carpool or downtime
- Writing them a note and placing it in their lunchbox
These small gestures add up and show your child that they’re always in your thoughts.
Prioritizing connection in a busy life
Carving out quality time with each of our children can feel like a challenge, especially in a large family with busy schedules. But the effort is well worth it. Children who feel seen, valued, and connected are happier, more confident, and better able to navigate life’s challenges.
By incorporating one-on-one moments into your daily routine, maximizing Shabbos as a time for connection, and being present during even the smallest interactions, you can strengthen your relationship with each child. These moments of connection don’t have to be grand or time-consuming; what matters most is the love and attention you pour into them.
As parents, we’re blessed with the opportunity to shape our children’s lives and build a foundation of closeness and trust that will last a lifetime. With intention and effort, we can create meaningful bonds with each of our children, even amid the beautiful busyness of family life.