Socially Unacceptable

 

I appreciated the recent op-ed on vaping, and I want to add to what I believe needs to become a more unified message.

 

As a community, we’ve always drawn lines around what’s “not for us.” We tell our children that certain places, behaviors, or influences don’t fit with who we are as Yidden. Vaping should be one of those lines. It’s not for us. Not as individuals, not as families, and certainly not as a community.

 

Beyond the health dangers, vaping normalizes addiction. And the longer we treat vaping as “not a big deal,” the more we make it seem like just another choice.

 

Let’s make vaping socially unacceptable. Let’s give our kids, and each other, the courage to say “That’s not for us.”

Against Vaping

 

Stepping Stone to Cigarettes

 

In these challenging and troubled times, there is a silent epidemic amid fierce peer pressure that is taking place among our most precious commodity, our children and grandchildren, in the yeshivah world. It is threatening the lives of our future generations, and we are idly sitting by and doing nothing as some of us helplessly watch literally and figuratively our houses burn down—i.e., our children. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the manufacturers of these deadly vaping products deceptively advertise that these products  are nicotine free, when, in fact, they are not free of nicotine at all.

 

According to the John Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore, studies have shown, tragically, that vaping is a stepping stone to actual cigarette usage, as once young people become addicted to the nicotine, they can never get enough of it. Companies such as Juul have spent millions of dollars on advertising campaigns targeting our youth with candy- and fruit-flavored chemical pods for their electronic cigarettes. Thankfully, Juul executives have been summoned to court numerous times to try to stop these harmful practices, with some success.

 

Hundreds of other companies falsely and with great manipulation outrageously lure our innocent youth with claims that vaping is harmless, just plain water vapor and certainly not addictive. After approximately two thousand hospitalizations were reported in 2019 throughout America, different states took steps to eliminate fruit- and candy-flavored e-cigs from Walmart and other stores across the US.

 

This is a step in  the right direction, but we have so much further to go. Education and enlightenment programs must be instituted to make a deep impact, together with cessation programs. This, partnered with tremendous davening to the Almighty, is our only hope. According to the Schroeder Institute, from an organization called Truth Initiative, there are twenty-three known toxic chemicals in these vaping devices and numerous unknown others when nicotine is  heated up at high temperatures to create the so-called harmless mist. These toxic chemicals, such as propylene glycol, formaldehyde, acrolein, acetate, cadmium, benzene, tin, heavy metals, nickel, along with numerous other toxins, are found in weed killers, herbicides, anti-freeze, nail polish removers, engine cleaners, and the list goes on and on.

 

Vaping products have not been around long enough for more lengthy  studies compared to three decades of research that has been done on cigarettes. But we know that our children, and sadly many adults, are breathing in these toxic chemicals, flooding their lungs on a daily basis and up to several hours, day and night. According to studies done on the Web, vaping is much worse than cigarettes because their lungs are being exposed more frequently, and there is no way to measure how many chemicals are being ingested.

A reader

Understanding and Responding to the Vaping Crisis Among Our Children

 

All yeshivah guys do it,” said an eighth-grade client with a shrug.

 

What used to be a “teens at risk” behavior is now happening among bright, well-behaved elementary-aged boys, including mesivta and beis midrash bachurim. Vaping is a “thing,” and by the time most parents find out, their child is already months into it.

 

One bachur was vaping once every minute or less. It had become so automatic, he didn’t even realize how often he was doing it. This isn’t a chinuch failure or a reflection on the home. It’s a reflection of something much deeper: emotional pain, performance pressure, and a growing need for relief.

 

When I ask some of my clients why they started, they say:

• “Because my friends were doing it.”
• “It feels cool and makes me feel accepted.”
• “It helps me calm down.”

 

Vaping gives them something they can’t name: relief.

 

They’re not addicted to the vape but to the emotional reset it gives them. It’s how they cope with test anxiety, social discomfort, pressure from home, or that vague feeling of not being good enough.

 

In a recent presentation, someone asked incredulously, “Is vaping really connected to an emotional struggle?” It’s a fair question. On the surface, it looks like a simple habit. But underneath, it often serves as a way to manage pain, pressure, and the need to feel in control.

 

One boy told me, “I don’t even like the taste anymore. I just like what it does to my head.” It’s not a flavor craving; it’s a coping strategy.

 

Most children don’t plan to become regular vapers. It starts with one puff at recess, behind shul, or during a trip. The devices are sleek, odorless, and easy to hide. There’s no smoke, no lingering smell, and often, no suspicion.

 

However, the emotional benefit leaves an imprint. Each time a child vapes and feels calmer, the brain remembers: This helps. The next time stress shows up, vaping becomes the go-to.

 

What frequently begins as a social activity eventually turns into a hidden, individual one, and it becomes difficult to stop. I’ve sat across too many boys who hate that they vape but don’t know how to stop. They’re not proud—they’re stuck.

 

Beyond the physical impact, the emotional dependency is disastrous. Nicotine spikes dopamine, flooding the brain’s pleasure system and interfering with natural emotional regulation. This cycle can mimic and even accelerate the patterns seen in other addictions, locking kids into a loop of needing a hit just to feel normal.

 

The result is usually foggy thinking, mood swings, irritability, sleep disruption, poor appetite, and digestive irregularities.

 

Many children don’t realize their headaches, insomnia, or fatigue are tied to withdrawal symptoms. The nervous system gets so overstimulated that vaping feels like the only “reset” that works. The more they rely on it, the more their system craves it just to function.

 

But it’s a short-term solution with long-term cost. Children are bypassing emotional growth and self-awareness. Vaping becomes the way they handle anything uncomfortable, which eventually spreads to other areas: lying, avoidance, isolation, distraction, and blame.

 

What parents can do:

 

This is about presence, not panic.

 

• Get curious, not furious. If you suspect your child is vaping, pause. Ask, “When did this start? What made it feel like your best option?” And shift to “What can we do now?” That alone might open a door.
• Don’t assume it’s just “bad behavior.” Vaping often fills an emotional role, calming anxiety, numbing shame, or helping to feel socially accepted. When you help address that need, healthier strategies become possible.
• Set limits through strengthening connection. If your child vapes, and you don’t agree with it, have a discussion with him. Establish ground rules and decide together what the consequence will be if the rules get broken. You may decide, “There is no vaping in the house or around younger siblings.” Ensure that the underlying message always is “I love you, even when I don’t like or agree with what you’re doing.”
• Pay attention to subtle signs. Fatigue, irritability, changes in appetite or sleep, or emotional flatness can be a sign of something deeper. These signs don’t always mean your child is vaping, but they do mean something is off—and that deserves your attention.
• Know your role. For children under 13, education and group support in school is usually the right fit. For teens and adults who feel stuck, therapy can help them build coping tools and reconnect with themselves—and with you.

 

This isn’t a “bad child” problem. It’s a “hurting child” problem. And hurting children don’t need lectures. They need safe adults who can guide without shaming, and support without ignoring the real consequences.

 

As rabbanim, mechanchim, and rebbeim, we need to incorporate conversations about handling stress, peer pressure, identity, and belonging—not just rules and discipline. As parents, we need to check in without panicking and stop hoping this will pass on its own.

 

And no, installing vape detectors in the bathroom won’t solve the problem long term.

 

If your child isn’t vaping, great. Keep talking to them. Understand their opinion and what they’re seeing among friends. If your child is vaping, don’t assume it’s too late. There’s a way forward.

 

Behind the behavior is a child who wants to feel okay, be seen as a good boy, and know he’s loved.

 

Yechiel Aharonof, LCSW, CASAC-T, has over a decade of experience helping teens and young adults break free from addictions and trauma. He offers individual counseling, presentations, and parent workshops for schools and communities.