Leaving Lakewood?

The out-of-town kollel experience

1. Weiss

The streets are empty of traffic. There’s no social pressure. With free schooling and cheap housing, the ends meet easily, with room to spare. The birds sing, people smile and wave, and life is perfect and beautiful. Where is this utopia?

Many believe it’s just a few hours away.

Out of town is sometimes touted as the solution to all of life’s problems. Small, cozy communities and classrooms, friendly neighbors who bring you cookies the day you move, and affordable housing. It sounds like a dream opportunity, but it’s one that many aren’t taking advantage of.

What are the factors causing couples to stay or go? How has that changed? And as both Lakewood and out-of-town communities grow, is this fated to change?

Not all equal

Out of town is not a one-size-fits-all experience.

“I like to say that there are three types of out of towns: A level, B level, and C level,” says Rabbi Moshe Katz, director of Ner LeElef/Olami, an organization responsible for training yungerleit and placing them in out-of-town communities.

“I consider Chicago, Cleveland, and Detroit to be A-level communities. Those are the communities that tend to have yungerleit reaching out to them and are less in need of placing help.”

Other communities are on this list too; A-level communities are fully established, large, and have all the frum amenities and several kollelim. The B-level communities, on the other hand, are fully established, but small, with only one choice of schools. Cincinnati and Houston are good examples. And finally, there are the C-level communities. These are places where the kollel is really the backbone of the place.

Each type of community is growing and in need of a dedicated kollel to uplift and enrich the community.

“There’s been a lot of growth,” says Rabbi Sroy Levitansky, National Director of Community Development for BMG. “In many communities, we’re opening a second or third kollel. Smaller communities that used to have six men in the kollel now have ten.”

The phases of the kollelim

Out-of-town kollelim have been around for a long time. While the purpose—to bring Torah to the community—has stayed the same, the style has evolved over the decades.

The first phase started back in the 70s under the leadership of Rav Shneur. That was when large, established out-of-town communities started a kollel that wasn’t connected to any local yeshivos. The bnei Torah movement was just getting off the ground then, and, to leverage and expand its growth, yungerleit were sent to other communities. Rabbi Dov Lesser was extremely involved in building the first phase of out-of-town kollelim, including those in Toronto, LA, and Detroit.

“Rav Nosson Wachtfogel was a huge proponent of this program,” Rabbi Yaakov Shulman, BMG Placement Director, says. “Someone once asked him why he was so busy building out-of-town communities when Mashiach is coming imminently (anyone who knew Rav Nosson knew he lived with a constant anticipation of the Geulah). He responded, “When you build Torah, you build as if Mashiach isn’t coming for 100 years!”

The second phase happened in the 90s. That was when kollelim were established in existing but smaller communities, such as Minneapolis, Denver, Boston, and Miami, and the kollel was the catalyst for astonishing growth. This was spearheaded by Rabbi Lazer Goldstein. Then came the third phase, starting kollelim in cities where there was almost no Torah life, where the kollel built the community.

Today, each of these kollel models are being built and staffed d simultaneously, giving plenty of opportunities for the interested yungerman

What each of these kollelim have in common is the community aspect. The first two sedarim of the day are regular sedarim, but night seder is devoted to learning with and teaching in the community.

“This looks different in each place,” Rabbi Moshe Katz explains. “In Boston, the chavrusa you’re learning with probably went through the yeshivah system and is coming in for an evening of high-level learning. In San Antonio, your chavrusa may not be keeping Shabbos.”

What is Ner LeElef/Olami?

Every year, thirty yungerleit join Rabbi Katz’s yearlong program. It’s a comprehensive syllabus, designed to hone the skills of someone who will be in a mashpia position. There are classes on public speaking, on counseling, and on learning to connect with many different types of people. The yungerleit are taught hashkafah and certain areas of halachah, such as eruvin, that are likely to come up. It’s a broad and invaluable training to develop crucial skills in being mekarev.

“Other yungerleit come to me to be placed,” Rabbi Katz says, “and I try to help them, but it’s much easier to match the boys from my program because I know their strengths and what they’re looking for.”

Other yungerleit looking to be placed often head to the BMG placement team composed of Rabbi Elimelech Mitnick, Rabbi Sroy Levitansky, and Rabbi Yanky Shulman.

Apartments, family life, and the Lakewood brain drain

There are over 100 kollelim scattered around the United States looking for quality yungerleit, but lately they’ve had trouble finding them.

“Fifteen years ago, I had 70, 80 yungerleit looking to join the program,” says Rabbi Katz. “Today, I need to go recruiting to get 30.”

What’s changed?

Lakewood today is more than a full-service town. It’s a city with every type of convenience at our fingertips. Leaving that behind, particularly when a couple grew up here, is difficult.

“I was working with a couple recently, very idealistic and not high maintenance at all,” Rabbi Katz relates, “and they went to check out potential apartments in the city they were looking into.”

The couple returned, taken aback. “They’re living in a beautiful basement apartment here in Lakewood, and what was available there was a fourth-floor apartment in an old building with non-Jews. It’s hard to deal with that.”

As Lakewood grows, interest continues to dwindle. Ten years ago, there were many more couples moving to Lakewood after their marriage. Today, the percentage of couples where both spouses grew up in Lakewood is much higher. With family from both sides here, the draw of another community is slight. Even if they’re drawn to an out-of-town lifestyle, it’s difficult for couples to imagine leaving their family and going somewhere else.

(As a side note, this is also what induces many couples to leave Lakewood. Rabbi Katz points out, “Many of the people who go are out-of-towners themselves. Their wives don’t have a connection to Lakewood. The husband might be learning and happy, but the wife is miserable in her basement.”)

Finally, there’s the fact that Lakewood is the pinnacle of Torah learning in the United States. It’s the greatest concentration of talmidei chachamim, with every type of limud and chaburah available to a yungerman on any level.

It’s hard for many yungerleit to give up on that. But at the same time, there are a plethora of factors that are drawing couples out of town each year.

Dollars and sense

What motivates couples to go has evolved over the years.

Money, the necessary evil of frum living has always been an important consideration.

On the surface, finances seem like a major plus for the out-of-town scoring board.

As mortgage rates and prices soar out of control, the dream of owning a square inch of property in Lakewood is dwindling away for many young couples. Even purchasing a house in one of the outlying neighborhoods means committing to staggering monthly payments.

Out-of-town communities where kollel checks are higher and housing prices are significantly less may seem like an ideal solution on paper. Many communities offer tuition vouchers, and the standard of living is often lower out of town. However, a closer look at the numbers reveals that this isn’t always the case.

“Only two of the couples I met with recently listed money as a factor for their decision to go,” Rabbi Katz mentions. “In fact, some couples are even losing money.”

Rabbi Yakov Shuman concurs. “Today, most people who are going out of town are taking a financial hit.”

Years ago, people did leave based on financial factors. BMG checks were lower, office salaries couldn’t support a family, and with leaving Lakewood to an out-of-town kollel was the only way for many families to stay in learning.

“Thirty years ago, the only way people could stay in learning was if they went out of town,” Rabbi Yakov Shulman remembers. “HUD was just beginning, and office salaries were a pittance. It was very difficult to survive learning more than five years.”

But times have changed.

Today, salaries for office jobs are significantly higher than they once were, making many families reluctant to leave that behind. There is an abundance of frum, family-friendly positions—something that out-of-town communities lack. However, with the recent uptick of remote options, that may change over the next few years.

Lakewood has also developed an extensive network of government assistance, making it much easier for couples to manage in the long term. Many red states don’t offer nearly as many options, and there are less resources available to guide one through the options.

“Also, keep in mind that not every community has a lower cost basis.” Rabbi Shulman points out. “In Toronto, LA, and Miami Beach, housing is a lot less affordable than in Jackson or Howell.”

Couples who are determined to buy houses, though, are still looking at out-of-town communities, hoping that in the long term, living out of town will ease their financial strain. And of course, there’s the added plus that with the lower level of peer pressure in many communities, the standard of living is often lower, leading to lower credit card bills and peace of mind.

To be marbitz Torah

Lakewood is a unique makom Torah. The community has developed in a way that a man who wants to sit in the beis medrash his entire life will be able to do so. There’s no other community in the United States that offers the same opportunities for long-term learning.

On the other hand, if someone is looking to be marbitz Torah in the long term, to give over what he learned, to really make a difference, going out of town offers the richest opportunities.

“The opportunities available out of town is the major factor to many yungerleit,” Rabbi Katz points out. “If someone is in the community, they’re more likely to take him when a position comes up rather than bring someone else in.”

While in Lakewood there are many more positions available, there are also many more people who are looking for those positions. “In Lakewood, you need to be extremely talented and well connected to get the job.”

Rabbi Katz rattles off a list of successes he’s seen. “In Denver, one of the yungerleit from my program started his own minyan. There were many ba’alei teshuvah in the community who didn’t fit into the Modern Orthodox shul or the regular shul, and he’s now the rav of over forty families. In Cincinnati, the ninth grade rebbi and assistant rav were both part of Ner LeElef/Olami. In Phoenix, most of the rebbe’im came from the kollel.”

It’s not just the gamut of available options that can propel a man’s career in teaching Torah. It’s the way he’s able to build himself when he becomes part of a community where every single person matters.

“Years ago, a yungerman who stuttered terribly came to me,” Rabi Shulman shares. “He wanted to go into kiruv, and it seemed like an impossible dream. But the community who interviewed him wasn’t fazed by that. They said, “Rabbi, Moses also stuttered. If he can teach like Moses, we want him. Today, that yungerman is extremely successful and a major asset to the community. (Incidentally, his stutter disappeared!).”

It often takes a certain level of maturity for a yungerman to realize how much he can blossom out of town.

In another case, a yungerman who was painfully quiet approached Rabbi Shulman about going out of town. He was a real metzuyan, who owned a house and had no apparent reason to go. When questioned, he said that this is what he feels is best for him to do. Today, he’s the life of his out-of-town kollel. “There’s a good chance that this yungerman will come back to Lakewood one day and take a position here. But now, he’s prepared with the skills to be matzliach.”

“In a way, today, the people who are going out of town are going because they truly want to be marbitz Torah,” Rabbi Levitansky posits. “This is how they see themselves doing it. It’s more idealistic than it ever was.”

Building oneself, building a community

Lakewood’s growth has been astonishing.

And while that growth is beautiful and a sign of the frum community’s dedication to Torah learning, on a personal level, it can get difficult.

Rabbi Levitansky explains that an out-of-town kollel offers a whole new way of living for its yungerleit. “When you join a small community, you become a chelek, you become part of an olam. You realize that you’re broader than the kochos you were expressing until now. There’s a huge chance for self-development, and people really discover their kochos.”

Rabbi Uri Deutsh, when speaking on this topic, emphasized that going out of town allows a yungerman to develop as a yachid. “When you’re part of a rabim, you can float along, never realizing your kochos. But if a person wants to develop as a yachid, going to a smaller place can facilitate it.”

Even just choosing which kollel and community to join allows a yungerman to crystallize and home in on his ideals and dreams.

“When someone comes to meet with me,” Rabbi Shulman says, “I like to ask them where they envision themselves as successful in ten years. If they know what they want to look like and accomplish, I can better figure out which community kollel experience can help them get there.

Truthfully, this isn’t a question that all yungerleit are prepared to answer. “I had a yungerman who recently bungled a kollel interview because he didn’t know what he wanted,” Rabbi Shulman says, “and that naiveness showed.”

The right match

Some kollelim have a very high level of learning with a rigorous application process. But others have a different focus and goal.

“If someone has the ability, drive, and financial wherewithal to stay in kollel for the next 30 years, then they should stay in Lakewood.” Rabbi Katz says. “Generally, an outreach kollel is geared for a different type of yungerman.”

Take an average yungerman learning in BMG, who plans on staying in learning for five to seven years. A kollel in Houston and would be a great opportunity for him.

“I find that 70 to 80 percent of the time, couples who go out of town end up staying there,” Rabbi Katz points out. Rabbi Levitansky agrees, adding that out of the 50 yungerleit who have gone to Houston in the last 13 years, 48 have stayed in the community.

With close to 100 yungerleit being placed in out-of-town communities each year, there are many different goals and desires.

“I’ve found that yungerleit who want to be part of a big-city kollel are looking for something different than those who want to go somewhere really small.” Rabbi Levitansky says. “The more information they give us, the more we can help them make the right decision. Some yungerleit tell me that they would love to go somewhere tiny and help build the community. It may be a shorter tenure than in a larger place, for chinuch reasons, but that’s where they can accomplish a lot.”

Some couples are determined to go out to a small community and make a difference from the moment they get married. Others go out on a limb and are pleasantly surprised by what it does for them and their family. And there are many others who find they can accomplish the most by staying in Lakewood. Their paths might look different, but they’re all working toward the same goal.

They’re holding up the world.