My son, Shimi, was a happy kid who was comfortable in his body and knew how to have a good time with friends. However, a few months ago, I was called into a meeting at his school to discuss some of the behavioral challenges he was exhibiting. His classroom teachers’ chief complaint was that Shimi often needed a “special invitation” when the class was asked to perform a task.

The scene typically went like this: “Everyone, time to put on your coats…” Shimi continued reading his book, seemingly oblivious to what everyone else was doing. After a few minutes, Shimi still didn’t realize to put on his coat and needed an individual invitation, “Shimi, time to put on your coat.”

Similarly, at clean-up time, “Time to put away the toys; let’s put the blocks away…” Shimi continued building his tower. After a few minutes, his teacher impatiently instructed him, “Come on, Shimi, it’s time to put away the blocks.”

Shimi’s teachers found this very frustrating. I shared that Shimi was struggling at home as well. I had to keep repeating myself; bedtime and bath time routines constantly became a battle. Shimi would be engrossed in his playing and refuse to cooperate.

Getting to the root

After hearing about The Thrive Group, I called for an initial assessment. I then shared Shimi’s issue with Elisheva, who explained the root of his problem and guided us on how we could help Shimi.

Elisheva explained various reasons why Shimi may behave this way: “He may be very focused and involved in what he’s playing so he doesn’t even hear the instructions, or he hears the instruction as background noise, not registering that he needs to listen. Or Shimi may not want to listen. He still needs to learn that he sometimes needs to do things he doesn’t want to do. Fourth, perhaps Shimi hears and registers what he’s been told. But he has another thought he hasn’t expressed, like, I want to continue playing. So it seems like he’s defiant, and you constantly repeat instructions. Meanwhile, Shimi hasn’t told you what he’s thinking.”

Elisheva explained that when teaching Shimi to follow instructions and listen to the adults around him, we can’t expect him to learn to listen while he’s upset, has a tantrum, or is in a chaotic or overwhelming situation.

“When instructing Shimi what to do,” Elisheva advised, “involve him in rhythm because it will help improve his predictability so he better understands what to expect to happen next. It will also help him feel calmer and more organized. It will then be easier for him to stop what he’s doing, listen to you, and move on to the next activity even if he doesn’t like it, or at least he’ll be open to joining you in a rational conversation to discuss what he wants to do and then listen to what you have to say in response and see if you can work out a way to compromise.”

Making the move

Elisheva then shared how to help Shimi transition from one activity to the next at home or in school, especially when switching from an activity he likes to one that he doesn’t:

• When it’s time to move on to a new activity, always break down instructions for Shimi into small steps. Start with a directive that tells him where to move, such as “Shimi, stand up” or “Turn around.” Afterward, Shimi should be involved in a rhythm to help him transition, such as singing, clapping to music, or tapping to a beat.
• A particularly good technique is to sing the next directive in a song. Remember to break down every instruction into as many small steps as possible. For example, “Now it’s time to walk to the cubbies, walk to the cubbies…now it’s time to put on your coat, put on your coat…now it’s time to put on your backpack, put on your backpack,” etc.
• Involving Shimi in rhythm will help him feel calm and help his brain remember what he’s doing. After he’ll follows similar instructions a few times, it will slowly become a habit. Transitioning from one daily activity to the next will become more natural and easy for him.

Elisheva then did some therapeutic exercises and reflex integration with Shimi. She also gave us more fun exercises to practice at home a few times a week to help improve his rhythm skills, help him with transitions, and get him into the rhythm of routines.

• March, stomp, or step to a strong beat
• ShimiChoose some music and rock on a rocking chair to the music.
• ShimiSway, jump, or move while listening to rhythmical music or singing a song or rhyme.
• Jump on a trampoline with a strong beat (For example, “This old man,” “The ants go marching one by one,” “Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,” “The wheels on the bus”) or singing the ABCs or counting.
• Get on a swing and have fun swinging!
• Do simple clapping games such as “Pattycake,” “Miss Marry Mack,” or “Miss Lucy had a baby.”
• Sing “Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” with the actions.

“With all the clapping games and nursery rhymes, demonstrate the pattern clearly to Shimi first and then do it with him,” Elisheva said. “After a few times, see if he can do it himself with you encouraging him.”

Taking it home

I started guiding Shimi this way at home; his teachers were also on board and tried diligently to use it in school. I found many ways to get Shimi involved in rhythmic games like motions, swinging, and trampolining.

Shimi continued with a weekly session at The Thrive, where he thoroughly enjoyed doing a variety of activities and exercises to help him be less reactive and more easygoing.

After a while, Shimi began to shift. He wasn’t as defiant or reserved when he heard an instruction, and he started giving us his attention. I gave him a drum set, which he loved tapping every time we went upstairs for bedtime.

Overall, Shimi is showing significant improvement, and we hope for more as we continue the exercises at home and our weekly sessions at The Thrive Group.