The music stills, and the moment hangs, rich with expectancy.

The crowd holds its breath.

One, two, and then—CRAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

The glass shatters. The music explodes. And the crowd erupts.

In the crush of pounding feet and animated cries of mazel tov, one man moves quietly. He wraps the linen napkin around the shards of glass, gathers the candle torches and flower bouquet, and then disappears behind a door to check on the state of the ballroom.

He’s got to keep things moving along or the wedding will lose all track of time.

***

Wedding hall managers are experts at working behind the scenes, ensuring that all the moving parts that make a wedding a wedding are carefully attended to.

There’s the timing and the tables, the silverware and the serving, the music and the makeup, and so, so much more.

Join us for a madcap adventure for a day in the life of a wedding hall manager.

 

MEET THE MANAGER

 

Name: Pinny Mendelson

Hall: N’eemas Hachaim

Official job title: wedding hall and back-office manager

Years on the job: 14

Pinny says: My job is a little different than other hall managers. At N’eemas Hachaim, I run the weddings and the office. This means it’s my job to work with our clients, stay on top of vendors, and make sure the kitchen is fully stocked. This is an advantage for our clients, as I’m the one doing the menu with them and working with the chef. I know what’s important to them, and I can make sure it happens.

A day in the life of a wedding hall manager

10 a.m.: The hall opens for our dedicated office staff, who assist with the bookings and much more. Families of kallahs who choose to have their makeup and hair done at the hall arrive now as well.

10:15 a.m.: We check in on the kallah’s family and make sure the suite is set up properly for them. This includes setting the heat or air conditioning to their liking, checking that there are tablecloths in the suite, perhaps assisting them in bringing all the gowns and giving attention to any extended family members, like grandmothers or aunts who may need it. At this point, we may also review the floor plan if it has not yet been finalized.

10:37 a.m.: I reach out to our chicken vendor about placing an order.

Pinny says: There are so many items used at every single wedding that nobody thinks about, from basics like cleaning rags table linen, from meat purveyors to paper goods to bakery items to frozen goods. It’s my job to make sure the hall is always fully stocked with each of these products. No one wants to run out of hard plastic cups during the simchas chosson v’kallah!

11:05 a.m.: I return calls from people interested in booking a date.

12:17 p.m.: I speak to the Gruens, who are making a wedding in our hall in a month from today, to finalize their menu selections.

Pinny says: There’s so much prep that goes into making a wedding. Imagine making Shabbos or Yom Tov every single day! When guests come to a simchah, they only see the finished product, but there’s a ton of prep work that goes into every single wedding.

1:00 p.m.: The first group of waiters arrives and begins setting up the ballroom. They make sure the mechitzos are in place, clean the silverware, and start laying out the settings, and start putting the tables into position.

Pinny says: We have a large wait staff, and their times are staggered throughout the day so no one is working for 12 hours. Our head waiter helps ensure that everything in that department runs smoothly.

1:21 p.m.: The kallah’s father knocks on my door, asking about the combination for the safe. He also wants to know when the musician will be here and reminds me who the mesader keddushin will be at tonight’s chuppah. It’s his first wedding. I let him talk about nothing and everything, and he leaves my office a few minutes later, looking calmer.

2:05 p.m.: I check that everything is running on time in the ballroom and kitchen. I note that we’re low on dishwasher soap and set a reminder on my phone to contact the vendor and place a new order.

2:45 p.m.: The photographer arrives. I guide him toward the ballroom and help him set up for the kallah and her family.

3:03 p.m.: The kallah starts taking pictures, almost exactly on time. I make sure things are running smoothly and then return some calls. A woman with a not-yet-engaged daughter wants to confirm a date. I explain to her that it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to confirm a date before engagement.   She asks if she can pencil in a date instead. I’m happy to accommodate.

4:21 p.m.: The chosson is scheduled to start taking pictures in less than 10 minutes, and he’s still not here. I send out a quick text inquiring about his arrival time.

4:26 p.m.: The kallah’s father is sending out nervous vibes. He paces up and down the entranceway, checking to see if the chosson and his family have arrived.

4:32 p.m.: My phone sings. It’s an incoming text from the chosson’s father: Stuck in crazy traffic on the 9. ETA 4:44.

4:33 p.m.: I take a deep breath and usher the kallah’s family back to their suite. They’ve finished taking pictures, and I urge them to relax a bit before the wedding.

Pinny says: It’s super important that everyone sticks to the preplanned schedule or everything can get thrown off the rails. If the kallah extends her picture-taking into the chosson’s time,

the chosson’s family can start getting nervous that their time is being used up. They’ll be hesitant to make a fuss as they don’t want to look like they are rushing the mechutanim.

4:34 p.m.: I let the photographer know about the delay.

4:48 p.m.: The chosson comes flying through the front doors. He tells me his family is still parking. I guide him toward the ballroom and stay until pictures are underway.

4:50 p.m.: I’m at the door to greet the chosson’s family. Thankfully, they’re all dressed for the wedding and are completely ready for pictures. Their nerves are a bit frazzled from the delay, and I assure them that the wedding can still run on time.

Pinny says: I cannot stress this enough: The wedding party must come on time for pictures, or the entire wedding can run late. This is especially true if  the chosson/kallah is from the younger ones in their family and has several married siblings with kids who need to take pictures. If even one married sibling hasn’t arrived, the photographer can’t take the large family picture. Plan to leave early and then leave earlier than planned.

It’s also helpful to know that there’s a certain menuchas hanefesh that comes from having everything done in the hall. It costs a bit more for makeup and hair to be done on-site, but there’s a sense of calmness when you know that you’re already at the hall in the morning.

5:32 p.m.: I check to see how the pictures are coming along and happily note that they’re nearly halfway done.

6:04 p.m.: The musician arrives and begins setting up.

6:29 p.m.: The chosson’s side is finishing with their pictures. I guide them toward the chosson’s tish and assure the kallah’s father that the chuppah will be on time. I hope.

6:33 p.m.: It’s time for the shmorg, but the ballroom is empty. Two well-meaning neighbors and one elderly aunt stand around awkwardly, waiting.

6:45 p.m.: Some more aunts and cousins filter into the ballroom, and I go to the kallah’s suite to fetch the wedding party.

6:50 p.m.: The musician strikes up a lively tune, and the two mothers lead the beaming kallah towards her bridal bench. The wedding has officially started!

6:59 p.m.: The room is filling up nicely. My radio crackles, and I rush out of the shmorg and toward the chuppah room. One of the musician’s assistants has run into a problem with the mic, and I help him sort out the problem before it’s time for the chuppah.

7:05 p.m I head to the kabbalas panim room and take a quick look around. I see the chosson sitting up front, saying Tehillim. The fathers are greeting their guests. No mesader kiddushin yet…

7:20 p.m.: Ten minutes to the official start of the badeken, and the mesader kiddushin is still not here.

Pinny says: There are so many factors that go into the timing of a wedding, and they must all line up perfectly. If one thing is off, it creates a domino effect that delays the wedding. I wish people realized how many of these factors, like a late mesader kiddushin or a delay due to insistence on waiting for specific person, are completely beyond my control.

7:25 p.m. The mesader kiddusin rushes in, apologizing due to the heavy traffic he had enroute. Thankfully he has the tena’im and kesubah documents filled out. This will save us valuable time. The two fathers assign their eidim for the tena’im, and I go to the ballroom to bring the two mothers to break the plate.

Pinny says: It’s sometimes difficult to get the mothers to come with me to the other room to break the plate—at this point there are dozens of people lining up to wish them mazel tov, and they don’t want to be rude by disappearing for five minutes. However, I have no choice but to bring them, so that the wedding can progress.

7:33 p.m.: The mothers break the well-wrapped plate, and the room bursts out in a spontaneous “Maeal tov!”

7:34 p.m. I walk the mothers back to the ballroom and their guests while giving them some instructions regarding the upcoming badeken and where the badeken veil is. While I am walking with the mothers, the mesader kiddushin is arranging the signing of the kesubah with the chosson and the second set of eidim.

I hurry back to the chosson’s tisch.

7:37 p.m.: “Od Yishama” is blasted over the sound system, and hordes of clapping boys and men stomp into the women’s section for the badeken. This is one of my favorite moments of the wedding—seeing the wide smiles on the chosson’s and kallah’s faces as they see each other for the first time in a week, on their special day!

7:50 p.m.: The crowd is seated in the chuppah room, and the music starts playing. I make a quick announcement, asking the crowd to sit silently and respect these special moments. I remind the guests to turn their cell phones to silent. My assistant is outside the room, handing glass-encased candles to the chosson’s parents. When it’s time, he  guides them through the swinging doors and toward the chuppah. I remain under the chuppah and quietly position the chosson and parents into place under the open skylight.

8:04:p.m.: The kallah is approaching the chuppah. I quietly remind the chosson to take a few steps to greet the kallah. As she approaches, he steps back, and the kallah and parents arrive on the stage. I take the candles and show the mothers the easiest way to circle the chosson seven times.

8:09 p.m.:  I whisper, “One more time,” to the mothers and kallah who have almost finished circling the chosson.

8:27 p.m.: The chuppah is over. I remove the glass and candles. When the crowd has thinned, I guide the new couple and two eidim toward the yichud room.

8:40 p.m.: I survey the ballroom, making sure the turnover from smorg to dinner was done correctly. A quick walkthrough of the room shows me that my staff did a great job. Everything is in place. I tell the head waiter to begin serving the soup in 30 minutes.

8:55 p.m.: The couple has finally exited the yichud room, but the kallah is having her makeup touched up, which means another 10 minutes of delaying. I do my best to move them along.

9:10 p.m.: The new couple is finally ready to start pictures. Now comes the hard part: trying to find the roaming parents and urging them to come to the chuppah room for photos. Some parents are more cooperative than others!

9:30 p.m. The couple is finished taking pictures, but they are not yet ready to make their grand entrance. The kallah is putting her hair up for the dancing; this adds an additional 12–15 minutes to the time before the couple will be ready to dance. My staff radios me that people are getting impatient. So am I, for that matter! But I need to be pleasant while rushing them along.  I text the musician to do a mini pre-dance with the parents while we wait.

9:44 p.m.: They’re ready! I let the musician know to start the intro and then guide the couple toward the ballroom doors.

10:17 p.m.: The main course is served. I check on the kitchen and wait staff and make sure things are running smoothly and will be ready for the second dance.

Pinny says: We’ve strongly considered switching our wedding schedules to the way some newer halls are doing it and serving the entire meal at once. I see the merits of that schedule, but many of our clients are resistant. Sometimes, when the chuppah is very late and there are many guests coming from out of town, I tell the family to serve the meal in one go, or as we call it in the wedding industry, to “serve straight.” This way, their traveling guests can eat the main course before they need to leave. For now, we offer this option but most of our weddings still have the traditional split meal.

10:40 p.m.: The second dance begins. This family has chosen to offer a hot buffet for guests who are only coming to this part of the simchah, which is always a nice touch to offer to the guests who have come to dance and say mazel tov.

11:35 p.m.: Second dance ends with a breathless twirl. The kallah’s younger sister rushes to make sure the “mandatory” flash mob song is being played. Then, on to Bentching and sheva brachos. I head back to my office to finalize some items for tomorrow’s wedding.

12:07 a.m.: The young couple is ushered out in style. They leave the wedding in a stretch Hummer decorated with streamers and party string.

12:37 a.m.: The kallah’s father asks about the safe again. I help him with the combination and then see the family out.

1:05 a.m.: All the guests have left, and the hall is empty again. Time to call it a night—tomorrow is another big day.

 

 

 

Q&A on bookings and scheduling conflicts

 

Q: Do you get called about booking dates?

A: Absolutely! We have a secretary for this reason, but I still get calls about booking dates all the time. People call me on Erev Shabbos, late at night, early in the morning, on Chol Hamo’ed—anytime. While I don’t always answer my phone on the spot, I do always return people’s calls as soon as possible and try to help them with their request. I know how much it means to people to go into Shabbos or Yom Tov knowing they have a date for their child’s wedding.

Q: What does it take to reserve a date?

A: There are two ways to hold a date: penciling one in and putting down a deposit.

What usually happens is that people call to pencil in a date as soon as a dating couple is getting a bit serious. We pencil in as many people who call for a single date—we sometimes have 10 people penciled in for one date! Then, when someone on that list wants to officially reserve the date, we will call the person who is the  number-one spot on that date to see if they are ready to commit.  There’s no price to pencil in a date, no actual commitment necessary, but also no guarantee that you’ll get that date.

When a family is ready to book a date, they need to put down a deposit. Deposits vary, with takanah weddings needing a $5,000 deposit and the amount going up from there.

Q: Does Lakewood still have a wedding hall problem?

A: Just a year or two ago, engaged couples would need to wait four or five months for a date. Thanks to the three new halls that opened this year, we no longer have this problem. Things will get busy again in the summer, when all weddings need to happen in the same few weeks, but for now, Lakewood families aren’t having an issue finding a hall for their weddings.

Q: Would you hold a date during busier seasons for Lakewood families, or do you book to out-of-town families as well?

A: We’re a private business, and we need to make sure we’re running in the most optimal way possible. No wedding hall can afford to have too many empty nights. We can’t keep a night open and turn down an out-of-town family in case we get a booking from a Lakewood family; it makes no sense at all. We need to fill up as many dates as possible. I also find that most weddings with out-of-town families are strongly connected to Lakewood. They may have married kids living here, the boy may be learning in Lakewood, or both fathers may be rebbe’im who originally lived in Lakewood. We’re all the same Klal Yisrael.