{"id":1834,"date":"2021-12-09T15:10:55","date_gmt":"2021-12-09T20:10:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thevoiceoflakewood.com\/?p=1834"},"modified":"2021-12-09T15:10:55","modified_gmt":"2021-12-09T20:10:55","slug":"the-shadchan-says-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thevoiceoflakewood.com\/the-shadchan-says-3\/","title":{"rendered":"The Shadchan Says"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Mr. Menachem Schmuckler with Elisheva Braun<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m no shadchan<\/em>, but I know so many singles and wish I could help them get married. How can I help?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Answer:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People often ask me if I\u2019m a shadchan<\/em>, and I tell them I\u2019m just a person with shidduchim <\/em>on his mind. Shidduchim<\/em> is not my full-time job, but wherever I go, I am aware of the singles there. We are all surrounded by people who want to get married; they are our cousins, siblings, neighbors, shul members, and the men and women at simchos<\/em> we attend. Almost anyone can make shidduchim<\/em>; it is just a matter of opening your heart and caring, then taking a step back and thinking about the singles in your life. Brainstorm. Think, Whom do I know for him\/her? <\/em>It takes work; you\u2019ll have to do research, track down phone numbers, and involve a professional shadchan<\/em> or dating coach if necessary. But it\u2019s something ordinary people can do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our shadchanim <\/em>are overloaded, and we cannot rely solely on them. Recognize what a valuable database you have stored in your mind, and work with it. Try to think about one single every day and see if you can come up with an idea for him or her. Once you get involved in shidduchim<\/em>, it becomes a part of you. You suddenly hear more and more names, and people start to reach out to you with contacts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opening our eyes<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two years ago, I was at my parents\u2019 for Shabbos and met a boy in their shul who I thought would be a good idea for my cousin. I got the r\u00e9sum\u00e9s and set them up. Soon enough, they were a couple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All we have to do is open our eyes and make an effort, and Hashem will help us help others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents in the parshah<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few years ago, I was in Eretz Yisrael and I visited Rebbetzin Kolodetsky. I asked her what a single\u2019s hishtadlus<\/em> should be when it comes to shidduchim<\/em>, and she responded that her father, Rav Chaim shlit\u201da<\/em>, advises singles to meet a few shadchanim<\/em> to get their name out there, and then to daven<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you have met a shadchan<\/em>, you should make an effort to stay on his or her radar. There is a mother of a girl who texts me every few weeks to remind me that her daughter is still single. Yesterday, I saw her text and reached out to a boy who I thought would be a good match for this girl. The bachur <\/em>responded that he\u2019d recently finished a shidduch<\/em> and was available to go out. The point is that it is important to refresh shadchanim<\/em>\u2019s memories and remind them about your child. You never know when they\u2019ll think of an idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the date<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First of all, hang in there! It can be so, so hard, especially after a failed shidduch<\/em>, to dust yourself off and start over. The pain is real, but you need to find a way to keep going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try to be as relaxed as you can on dates; it makes a big difference. It is normal to be nervous for the first few minutes of a date, but you should be able to be yourself after that. The meeting shouldn\u2019t feel forced; you should enjoy yourself and enjoy spending time with the other person. Ideally, you should feel like you\u2019re talking to a friend or acquaintance as opposed to enduring an interview. If you don\u2019t feel comfortable with the other person or you\u2019re struggling to be open with them, don\u2019t ignore it. There are many ideas you can try to help cultivate the connection, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n