{"id":3133,"date":"2023-07-13T12:32:29","date_gmt":"2023-07-13T16:32:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thevoiceoflakewood.com\/?p=3133"},"modified":"2023-07-13T12:32:29","modified_gmt":"2023-07-13T16:32:29","slug":"newly-reds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thevoiceoflakewood.com\/newly-reds\/","title":{"rendered":"Newly Reds"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Got married? Redt a Shidduch.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shadchan Meir Levi proposes a brilliantly simple strategy to shidduchim<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

M. Brejt<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photos by Simcha Weinman<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Newlyweds love to make shidduchim<\/em>. The contagious joy they recently discovered gives them the impetus to share it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have single friends and he has single friends,\u201d they\u2019re told in the weeks and months following the wedding. \u201cFind them a shidduch<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And so, the young couple dutifully sit at their kitchen table and compare notes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You think this friend is a good idea for your roommate? What about that one who spoke to at our sheva brachos? I think it might work my parents\u2019 neighbor.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They discuss and they ponder and then, when they hit on a solid suggestion, one of two scenarios almost inevitably occurs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Option 1: The couple doesn\u2019t have the courage to call and suggest it. I\u2019m too shy to call, they don\u2019t know who I am, why would they listen to me? <\/em>they think.Anticipating the likely rejection, they don\u2019t even bother making the call. They second-guess themselves, and the suggestion hibernates until it is no longer applicable. Eventually, the idea gets thrown out with the leftovers of the shanah rishonah<\/em> dessert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Option 2: One spouse eagerly calls up the mother of the prospective date and is received with polite indifference, or worse, a voice mail and no call back ever forthcoming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents are often slow to follow up on ideas redt<\/em> by young couples. Reasons range from worry that the inexperience of the shadchan<\/em> will be detrimental to the shidduch<\/em> to the disinterest that is born of unfamiliarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that the majority of shidduchim<\/em> are made by friends or relatives of the young couple. But many valuable ideas never even reach first base, and numerous would-be shadchanim <\/em>give up before they even start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s not only newlyweds who find that their ideas have difficulty gaining traction; anyone who lacks experience or doesn\u2019t know the parents of the boy well is likely to find that their suggestion is met with hesitation, cutting out a large portion of relevant suggestions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Introducing Newly Reds<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a plan in place to change that, due to launch this Rosh Chodesh Elul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indefatigable BMG shadchan<\/em> Meir Levy is spearheading a new initiative and is the brainchild behind many of its marketing ideas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea is so simple, so practical, so brilliant that hearing it makes you wonder, Why didn\u2019t I think of that? Why doesn\u2019t such a concept exist yet?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The program combines the newlyweds\u2019 suggestion with an incentive and shadchanim<\/em>\u2019s experience, and it promises to be a game changer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA friend of mine, Yossi Gelbman, approached me with this idea,\u201d Meir relates. \u201cHe had seen the plight of singles and he came up with this brainchild. He suggested setting up a system where young couples can send their suggestions to experienced shadchanim<\/em> who can then redt<\/em> them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The beauty of this idea is that it combines the ideas of people who know the prospective couple with the experience and know-how of a professional shadchan<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA shadchan<\/em> knows how to deal with the parents better, knows how to answer questions. There\u2019s more of a likelihood the shidduch <\/em>will work that way.,\u201d Meir explains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Meir told colleague Shloimy Lewenstein about the program, he said, \u201cI haven\u2019t heard of a better idea in years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sidebar:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meir got his start in shidduchim<\/em> 28 years ago in an unexpected way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I was in BMG, a yungerman<\/em> named Ezzy Munk approached me. \u2018I think you\u2019d make a good shadchan<\/em>,\u2019 he said and brought me into the brand-new group of BMG shadchanim<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember calling someone that day and saying, \u2018Hi, I just became a shadchan<\/em> today and I met your son in yeshivah and I have an idea for him.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His first shidduch<\/em>? His sister\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI always told my sister she should marry my best friend, and she did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, nearly 30 years later, Meir is one of the go-to shadchanim<\/em> in Lakewood both for his ideas and for advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

End sidebar<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting it off the ground<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meir immediately fell in love with the idea. The problem? The same one that rears its head in every noble organization: lack of funds. Advertising is expensive, and an undertaking like this doesn\u2019t just need advertising\u2014it needs major buzz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI sat with this idea for a few months until Shloimy Horowitz from Atlantic Site Construction reached out to me. He felt the pain of shidduchim <\/em>and told me he wanted to do something different on behalf of shidduchim<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2018Different?\u2019 I asked him. \u2018How about this?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe was enthralled by the idea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With Shoimy taking the project under his wing, the plans for the program swung into action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI reached out to Mrs. Esther Ottensossor of Esther O fame, and she directed us to major marketing expert Mrs. Yael Miller from Miller Creative, who volunteered her time. The two of them, along with some other volunteers, are creating a professional platform to make it as simple as possible to redt<\/em> shidduchim<\/em> using our program.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How it will work<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The program is almost genius for its simplicity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a young couple (or anyone, really) comes up with an idea, all they need to do is send the idea, the relevant r\u00e9sum\u00e9s, and some more information to a specific email address. A full-time secretary working on this project will bring all ideas to the Kesher office once a week or every two weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sidebar here:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is Kesher?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kesher is a shidduch<\/em> center that was established 15 years ago by Lakewood residents Mrs. Frommer, Mrs. Kaluszyner, and Mrs. Karfiol to help make and advance shidduchim<\/em>. The organization hosts monthly meetings in Madison Title where girls can come and meet with 25\u2013 30 shadchanim<\/em> on any given evening. Every day, shadchanim<\/em> come into the office to brainstorm together. They also host meeting every five or six weeks where the boys can come and meet the shadchanim<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The life of a shadchan<\/em> isn\u2019t easy, and two years ago, someone stepped in to empower shadchanim<\/em> to make more shidduchim<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRabbi Moishy Bender, who has a heart as big as Alabama, undertook to raise money to pay the Kesher shadchanim<\/em> salaries to enable to them to continue doing the work that they do. Why shouldn\u2019t shadchanim<\/em>,who give their free time, their family time, all their time, any time, be taken care of?\u201d Meir says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shadchanim <\/em>often have streaks and then dry spells. There\u2019s no guarantee that a shadchan <\/em>will make any shidduchim<\/em> in a month, leaving them with an unstable parnassah<\/em>. A full-time shadchan<\/em> starts a year not knowing if they will make a penny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRabbi Bender raises hundreds of thousands of dollars, enabling shadchanim<\/em> to think about making shidduchim<\/em> as a job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This has enabled many capable would-be shadchanim <\/em>to look at making shidduchim<\/em> as a beautiful parnassah<\/em> to be involved in instead of something that they wish they could do but is unrealistic for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

End sidebar<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The shadchanim<\/em> will look at the ideas, and one might catch their eye and they\u2019ll think, What a cute idea, I\u2019ll suggest it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Besides the likelihood of more shidduchim<\/em> being made due to this method, the couples whose ideas make headway will be rewarded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe local stores have been exceedingly generous in offering rewards for to those who suggest a shidduch<\/em>. If your shidduch<\/em> suggestion results in a date, you will receive an email informing you and you will get to choose a prize. This program is open to anyone, which is why prizes range from gift cards to restaurants to free denture cleaning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can a couple suggest an out-of-town shidduch<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor now, this program is taking place in Lakewood simply because Kesher is based in Lakewood and our shadchanim<\/em> are not likely to be familiar with a girl from San Diego and a boy from Minneapolis. But as the program grows and becomes more successful, we would like to expand across the United States to all shidduch <\/em>organizations. Most out-of-town communities have their own shidduch <\/em>organizations, and by utilizing this method, they can gain as well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Redting<\/em> a shidduch<\/em> requires courage, commitment, and effort. If you\u2019re unsure, you\u2019re less likely to make the call. With this new system, all you have to do is send a simple email, and who knows what can happen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat I love about the system is how easy it is for the one who is suggesting,\u201d Meir says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lighten up<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In addition to the likelihood of successful shidduchim<\/em> increasing through this initiative, Meir foresees another benefit: the marketing of the Newly Red program promises to inject a note of humor and fun into the weighty world of shidduchim<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a lot of fear today when it comes to shidduchim<\/em>,\u201d Meir points out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have so many friends married already,\u201d \u201cNo one\u2019s called with a suggestion for months,\u201d \u201cEveryone says that shidduchim <\/em>are impossible,\u201d and \u201cWill I ever get married?\u201d are common sentiments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not surprising. People quote grim statistics about the percentage of girls who are struggling. Magazines decry the ongoing shidduch <\/em>crisis. And although we try to comfort ourselves with messages of bitachon<\/em>, the reality is that many girls and their parents are afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The lighthearted branding of Newly Red will hopefully change that. Instead of people frowning at the pessimistic pronouncements in shidduch<\/em> ads, they will smile at the Newly Red logo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe were looking for a really great catchy title for this initiative when I bumped into my neighbor R\u2019 Shaul Dov Miller. I explained the idea to him, and without batting an eyelash he said, \u2018Newly Red.\u2019 It was perfect. In the last few months, whoever I\u2019ve explained the idea to has been nodding along until they heard the name. When they did, their face broke out in a huge smile and they were sold.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meir envisions Atlantic Site construction trucks boasting four-foot magnets with the Newly Red logo and taglines of how shidduchim <\/em>are run. A generous benefactor plans to donate red oven mitts to give out to all kallah <\/em>teachers that say, \u201cLend a hand with shidduchim<\/em>.\u201d When newly married girls pull their steaming lasagna out of the oven, they\u2019ll remember their friends who are not so blessed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMaybe we\u2019ll even create a card game out of it,\u201d Meir says wryly. \u201cWho knows? We are open to people\u2019s ideas of how to spread the word. The more creativity, the more humor, the more lightheartedness, the better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sidebar:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

FAQs<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is there a concern that some singles won\u2019t be interested in the program since it will mean that their r\u00e9sum\u00e9 will be sent to a bunch of shadchanim<\/em> at once as opposed to just one at a time and their privacy will be compromised?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can always ask before you send the email, but the reality is that 99 percent of people are not going to care. It\u2019s often like that in shidduchim<\/em>. There are a few people who will say,\u201d Oh, we don\u2019t give out r\u00e9sum\u00e9s,\u201d but everyone else is thrilled that you\u2019re sending their name in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who can send in an idea? Is it only for newlyweds?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not at all! Don\u2019t let the name mislead you. People aged 19\u201399 can send in ideas. Bubbies<\/em>, zeidies<\/em>\u2026the more the merrier. We plan to have a range of prizes to accommodate various ages and stages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is there a concern that the program will discourage newlyweds from redting shidduchim<\/em> on their own?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Newlyweds should definitely keep redting shidduchim<\/em>; we want them to suggest ideas themselves. Be brave and call those parents! The goal of Newly Red is to accommodate those who have ideas but for whatever reason are unable or unwilling to suggest them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is the program limited to Lakewood\/the tristate area? Can I suggest shidduchim <\/em>for out-of-towners through this program? What if only one side is from out of town?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can absolutely suggest shidduchim <\/em>with out-of-towners. It\u2019s only the office that is Lakewood based. The Lakewood shadchanim<\/em> know most of the boys that learn in the Lakewood yeshivos, and if the girl is from out of town, there\u2019s a strong possibility the shadchanim<\/em> know her, too. As the program expands, if an out-of-town idea is not picked up, we will be more than happy to share it with organizations across the country.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if more than one couple or person suggests the same shidduch<\/em>? Do they both get rewarded for each date?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoever sends in the suggestion first will get the credit for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where can I send in my ideas?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading your magazines. The program will be launching Rosh Chodesh Elul; stay tuned for all important information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Sprinkle throughout the article]<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pro tips from Meir Levy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n