Finding a Shidduch in a Haystack

March 7, 2024

A BMG yungerman introduces cutting-edge tech to revolutionize shidduchim

Y. Strauss

“Smart but not brainy.”

Yeshivish but comfortable.”

“Put together but not ‘with it.’”

“A masmid. And so normal.”

“Long-term learner who’s open to going to work if needed.”

“Intense but easy to talk to.”

“Serious but loves to have fun.”

Have you ever tried to redt a shidduch?

It’s hard. Really hard.

Limited to the people you know and the subjective terminologies we each utilize, shidduchim becomes an almost impossible feat, truly kashe k’Krias Yam Suf.

R’ Avrohom Ingber set out to smooth and streamline shidduchim.

Matching made simple

Born and bred in Maryland, R’ Avrohom is a proud out-of-towner who quickly grasped the Lakewood way of thinking and makes good use of both mentalities. He is blessed with keen insight, an innovative and practical way of thinking, and a burning passion to help others, all of which fuel his mission to help people in the “parshah” experience their personal krias Yam Suf.

Meeting him was both enlightening and refreshing; enlightening to hear about his approach—brilliant in its simplicity—and refreshing to be exposed to a fresh approach to an old problem.

The problem is obvious: What to do about the thousands of girls and boys who simply don’t get enough fresh ideas redt to them? Often, even when a shidduch is redt, it misses the mark by far. Shadchanim are limited to the people they know, and anyone outside their social circle is not accounted for.

The solution? Connect singles with a perfect match with the help of a brand-new idea—the Shidduch Survey.

Compatibility simplified

It began a few years ago, when R’ Avrohom, then a newlywed kollel yungerman, noticed that many of his friends—and their sisters—were struggling to find their match. It’s not that they were not being redt shidduchim; the problem was that the dates got them nowhere.

“I would watch my friends leave second seder for yet another date, costing them time, money, and energy, only to return dejected and depleted.”

Many of his friends eventually needed to take a time-out from dating due to the strain of endless shidduchim that were not real matches after all.

“It bothered me to no end and kept me up at night,” R’ Avrohom explains. “Until one night, it hit me: I had to come up with a way to help set up people with someone who’s actually compatible.”

He dreamed of creating an automated platform for all singles that would instantly match them with a compatible shidduch. A dream? Sounds like it, but R’ Avrohom wasn’t ready to put it to bed.

He sat down that evening to work out the details. He knew that the survey would have to be anonymous to ensure privacy and comfort—no names and, obviously, no pictures. Being “one of the boys” helped him a lot since he understood what today’s bachur is looking for in a shidduch, enabling him to form the questions in a way that zeroes in on the most important factors in a match.

Every question that made its way into the survey had to be weighed carefully. Asking about one’s favorite hobby was deemed irrelevant, discussing one’s appearance was dubbed inappropriate, and talking about social standing was considered a lack of tact.

For over half a year, R’ Avrohom consulted with da’as Torah and experts, until he felt confident that the questions on the survey would lead to the most accurate shidduchim being redt.

On the river bank

Bringing his dream to fruition was not without struggle. While the Shidduch Survey was still in its developmental stages, R’ Avrohom faced numerous naysayers who felt it was their responsibility to tell him that his plan wouldn’t get anywhere. After a while of being like the proverbial Avraham who stood on one bank of the river with the entire world on the other, R’ Avrohom was ready to throw in the towel.

It was then that Hashem sent him a hint, indicating that he should at least try.

One day, R’ Avrohom met a rosh yeshivah who had opened a yeshivah for a unique clientele. That first year, he had a total of six bachurim. The next year, he had 30 boys, and shortly thereafter, he had over 100 talmidim. R’ Avrohom asked him how he had done it; what had given him the strength that first year to proceed with what looked like a futile endeavor?

The answer was exactly what he needed to hear: “I did what I felt was right, and Hashem gave me siyata d’Shmaya.”

Those words gave R’ Avrohom a rare moment of clarity, and shortly thereafter, he began to set up the survey, making sure to keep it simple, sleek, and stylish. With his background and knowledge of computers, he produced a modern and efficient program that has the full backing of the gedolim and that would be comfortable for any boy or girl in shidduchim—or their parents—to use.

New-age shtetl

Taking the survey is not only easy, it’s actually fun. The bulk of the questions—all multiple choice and straightforward—focus on background, lifestyle, and hashkafos. Personality and other preferences are thrown in to form a solid picture of the person. The Survey is free of charge and takes under 10 minutes to complete. And there are no uncomfortable inquiries or requests for personal information; all one needs to provide is a phone number to be reached at when a match is found.

“One of the great boons of our system,” R’ Avrohom tells me, “is the fact that we do not need to rely on human networking. In the shtetel of old, a shidduch was made when the town shadchan knew that Yankel the baker had a son, and he figured that if he married the water carrier’s daughter, Mirel, the couple would be assured bread and water for many years. But Klal Yisrael has grown tremendously, and there is no reason to limit ourselves to only those who are familiar with someone who knows us. Why shouldn’t a great girl from LA be matched with an equally great boy from New York?”

From conception to reality

The Survey in no way negates the need for a shadchan. After a match is found, a professional shadchan redts the idea to both sides, as in a regular shidduch. R’ Avrohom readily agrees that human input is a vital necessity; nevertheless, he maintains that making the initial connection can be done without the limitations that shadchanim normally have.

It has been only two short weeks since the official launch, and the surveys are pouring in. Over a thousand have taken the Shidduch Survey and enjoyed the process. Already, over 10 matches have been generated, and the shadchanim involved are impressed by the accuracy of the suggestions. R’ Avrohom hopes to celebrate the Survey’s first shidduch very soon.



The Shidduch Survey by the numbers

7 minutes—the amount of time it takes to fill out the survey

2 number of seconds it takes for the system to find a prospective match

>1,000 surveys taken

99 percent of possible matches filtered out to get the most accurate suggestion possible

90 percent of participants who said “yes” to the initial notification to receive a resume

The Shidduch Survey can be accessed at For those without internet access, a paper version is available by texting 848-329-3957.